Well, I’m still waiting for the bubble to burst. And it hasn’t. So I’m beginning to think this is what they call ‘the turning point’.
Do you think there comes a time in your life when you find the ‘thing’ you’ve been looking for – the missing element that gels everything else in your life together and makes everything okay? Maybe this is it? Maybe I have reached that epic turning point of myth and mythology.
In truth, I’m still too afraid to accept that maybe, just maybe, I have finally earned this. Just in case I jinx it and something goes wrong. So I’m still looking over my shoulder I guess. Who wants to tempt fate, to let their guard down.
I am genuinely not used to things being this good. Don’t get me wrong, I am enjoying this change of stance. I love it and I want to accept it and stop questioning why. But I am genuinely scared that if I do, it’s going to get snatched away.
I always have this fear, when things are going right, that something is about to go catastrophically wrong. It’s because I have lived in a perpetual state of things not being quite right. When things are off kilter or the slump happens, it reminds me that life is real, gritty and shit happens. It’s something I recognise and to be honest it feels safer if less satisfying.
So when things go very right, I wonder what I am missing. Even though I may have earned that right to be happy – even for just a short time – I am expecting something to be waiting just around the corner to bring me back down to earth. Now this may sound cynical, depressing even, but frankly, it’s true.
Today, I am pretty much of the opinion that things can’t be this right. I cannot possibly feel this at peace with everything in my life. it just doesn’t happen. And even though I think I have earned it (hell yes after the 6 months I’ve just had to plough through I certainly have) I am very much aware that life happens and there is no time for complacency.
I can barely remember how I felt this time last month, or the month before that. It seems like a lifetime ago since I was wondering what on earth was going on around me an when it was going to end. Now, all the pieces are fitting into the jigsaw.
I like it, I love it, but it scares me because I’m waiting for the bubble to burst and I’m hoping it doesn’t.
A study has shown that a broken heart hurts in the same way as pangs of intense physical pain. The research demonstrated that the same regions of the brain that become active in response to painful sensory experiences are activated during intense experiences of social rejection, or social loss generally. “These results give new meaning to the idea that social rejection ‘hurts’,” said University of Michigan social psychologist Ethan Kross, lead author of the article. The Michigan research implicates the secondary somatosensory cortex and the dorsal posterior insula.
The psychologist and writer Dorothy Rowe collected that she thought of heartbreak as an empty cliché until she experienced it herself as an adult. Heartbreak can sometimes lead people to seek medical help for the physical symptom, and may then be related to a somatoform disorder.
The neurological process involved in the perception of heartache is not known, but is thought to involve the anterior cingulate cortex of the brain, which during stress may overstimulate to vagus nerve causing pain, nausea or muscle tightness in the chest.