# 101 (2013) Is The Modern World Sick, Or Am I Just Sick Of The Modern World?

Last week some time I was stuck in grid locked traffic on my way to Asda to pick up overpriced groceries whilst listening to ‘Any Questions‘. It included, amongst others, Martin Lewis from Martins Money Tips. The panel were discussing the spare bedroom tax. More people in debt because our Government needs quick fix ways to pay off our loans. I was thankful that wasn’t me. But also wondering how people now caught up in this system will ever get out of it. There are people losing their homes.

I looked at all the tired, angry, unfit people around me, cigarettes hanging out of their mouths, squabbling with their partners as they waiting in line for the lights to turn green, clearly with nothing more inspirational to do on a Saturday lunchtime and I wondered what on earth we were all doing with our lives. Where had all those childhood hopes and dreams gone? Had they even had any? And if they did, what was it that made them give up. Or, like me, were they still planning on reaching those goals.

Day to day life has to be one of the singularly most uninteresting things. Crammed into over populated cities, the rat race, hand to mouth. Just getting by. Waiting for that chink of escapism at the weekend for drunken brawls and shopping sprees around Primark. Do you ever question why you are here, what your purpose is?

I was brought up to believe in goals, ambitions, drive. And even though I still hold on to some of those dreams, and am still on track for others, my enthusiasm has definitely waned. I still work towards those aims. I refuse to give up. But there is less urgency than before. Now they have to fall into line with financial responsibilities. But do you succumb and acknowledge that getting by in this day and age is a ‘win’ on its own or do you fight and remember that you are an individual worth more than this.

I question this more because I am now working again. Only part time, but I have accepted that to a certain extent I have to tow the line. But I am hesitant to accept that this is now the way it is going to be forever. I could never embrace this lifestyle full time again, not unless it was a dream and I loved it.

Many of us are doing jobs ‘for the money’, almost certainly because we couldn’t get work in our dream job. It’s a temporary hitch right? Plenty of time to take on the career we planned for. Working because you have to, rather than because you want to, does kill your energy and your drive for doing your own thing and reaching your goals.  And I know that the only reason I haven’t had to give in to the system is because I had the sense to plan ahead financially. I realise that money is the deciding factor. I do sometimes find myself sitting, staring into space from my reception desk wondering what I am doing. How I ended up here. And when it’s all going to end. Is it all my own responsibility or do outside factors mean I can’t always be in charge of my own future.

I don’t usually make New Year’s Resolutions. They always seem so obtainable when you make the list. But really, life makes things very difficult to achieve sometimes. Next year has to be a deciding factor. I have to put my foot down. Because if I don’t, I could end up losing my way or forgetting what it was I was aiming for, and that I am sure would be a fail in my book. As the late great Patrick McGoohan once said ‘I am not a number’.

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About goingitalone

All you need to know about me is on my posts. Right now, things are quiet. I'm trying to get back into blogging. Time - where is all the time!!!!

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