# 33 (2014) Bad Week
This week has been a bit shit.
After a lovely week on holiday I came back and threw myself straight into my house move. Two days in as we began to empty the last van load I realised I had made a huge mistake. The house is too far away and the condition of the property and its occupant leaves a lot to be desired. Nothing felt right.
So now my stuff is floating between two houses, my business is stored at one place whilst functioning at minimal level at the other and yet I still have to find a new place for home and business and the pressure is even greater now.
Everything I view is damp, poorly repaired or has weird occupants. Is it really too much to ask for a normal shared living environment?
I am torn between minimising my personal and business belongings so I can find a new place I can fit in to and finding a separate work studio which of course means added outlay I may not be able to afford if work suddenly tails off as it is apt to do. My solution is a place of my own but it’s out of reach in the short term.
And in the middle of it all I have this gut desire to move somewhere more interesting and start again but with a regular income of some sort to make things that little bit easier.
I feel like I have sacrificed a lot for my business. Money, social life, sanity. And I keep hoping it’s worth it without knowing what the endpoint is and realising further down the line that I had wasted my time. I can’t remember the last time I was really happy or just for a moment worry free. Certainly not in the last 6 years since I came to Lincoln. And thus I question my goals. What am I doing all this for?
It’s been a very unsettled time including several job changes, university and four house moves which has distracted me from the important stuff. And I’m even forgetting what the important things really are now. Is it work, or play? Money or career? Business or friends?
I am definitely losing my way.