# 44 (2014) Not Another Robin Williams Post
Although I’ve had passions and been inspired I’ve also been sad for most of my life and I can’t tell you why, other than that it’s just the way I am. When things are great and moving forward you can run away from it. But if, like now, things aren’t going so well or you’re living situation has changed or you just have no idea what life is all about it can pull things out of all proportion.
I know very few people that I would class as worry free. They all have their demons, and they’re all trying to deal with them. And when you look at the likes of Robin Williams – of who he was and who he was to all of us and yet the things he was going through in his personal life, it makes you wonder how any of us manage at all.
Drugs and alcohol were never my weapons of choice so I deal with it head on. I need something to get me out of myself but if it’s not artificially induced I don’t know what the options are.
Despite everything I am doing now I feel like I am holding together a fairly pointless existence. That’s my perception because I was brought up to believe I had to be SOMETHING.That is going to change over the next four months as I make drastic moves in my personal and work life.
But in the meantime I am forcing myself to keep on the straight and narrow, forcing myself to do things which make me uncomfortable but keep me from completely losing touch with the outside world, and try to keep what I had planned for my future within my eyeline because at the moment it’s all I know.
It’s not easy and I am very scared of failing. But a lot of us are and it’s no excuse for not trying.