#7 (2015) Misinterpreted
I woke up in a bad mood this morning. I’d had no dinner the night before, woke up to another Tory Government and found my housemate still sprawled on the sofa where he had been for at least 16 hours, snoring so loudly I could hear it outside. A life on benefits is clearly a good one.
I tried to work out how it had all gone so wrong. What part of my advertisement for a clean decent house could have been so badly interpreted? I hadn’t realised I’d left everything so open to interpretation.
I’ve made a list to try and explain it. Perhaps it will help the healing process once I finally leave here and help me be more clear in future.
I would like to live with professional people:
He runs his own business. Actually he’s on benefits but he kinda runs this tinpot business that he hopes they won’t find out about. He’s unemployable and has no bank account so everything is cash in hand so he’ll probably go unnoticed.
I want to live in a clean house where people know how to use a hoover:
It’s a clean house because I do all the cleaning. I’ve been carefully training him for the last year since he got out of jail so that he takes zero responsibility for anything around the house. I’m a control freak you see. If you want a job doing properly, do it yourself. He does the dishes – sometimes. Once I’m gone you’ll just have to fight it out between you. I don’t give a toss. I live in Greece now!
If he doesn’t pull his weight he’s out:
Actually you’re out. I’m making far more money out of his rent screwing the housing benefit system than I’ll ever make off law abiding tax payers. Bye!
He’s out quite a lot for his business:
He spends quite a lot of time down the pub pretending to be music management. He’ll wake you up crawling in at 4/5am most days and he won’t get up til lunchtime anyway so he’ll be out of your way.
Yeah visitors are fine:
Don’t bring anyone over. He has no friends and you need to be the same.
Keep the heating down:
I’ve hidden the thermostat so you’ve got no chance but I’m going to tell you you’re just not looking for it. I’m back at Christmas though so I’ll inexplicably find it for you when I get back.
I’m going to arrange a room check:
Yeah it’s only been 3 weeks since I left but I don’t trust anyone, because I’m a control freak right. Oh sorry, I arranged a house check. You weren’t there. Tenants have no privacy right and you don’t mind one of my mates randomly turning up to snoop around do you?
Nuff said *angry face*