My relationship history is peppered with ill considered partners. If there was one thing I was guaranteed to do, it was move in with someone too fast and then regret the decision. The main reason was that I wanted a place of my own but I couldn’t afford to live on my own (my circumstance of preference). Back then moving in with a partner (who always seemed to come with their own pad) was the compromise I was willing to make.
Looking back, they were bad decisions but there’s not a lot I can do about any of that now. However, I’m not going to get all arsey about it like xojane did the other week. There’s no point.
I’ve been with my current partner almost a whole year and we still don’t live together. Not only is this a first for me, but it’s been a good year. Mostly it’s because I’ve finally met someone who doesn’t see me as a mother substitute, accountant, cook or cleaner. It has nothing to do with him not having his own place to live as I’ve sorted that gap in my life now. As it turns out I’ve found someone who doesn’t need me more than I need him and that is a huge part of why it is working.
The thing is, I’ve become very used to this situation now and I’ve discovered that you really can be in a committed grown up relationship and still enjoy your own space. It’s the sacrifice traditionally made by long term couples but these days it just isn’t necessary. Space is something you just don’t get if you move in together. We are both actually really independent people. We don’t need to live in each others pockets and a few days away from each other is fine.
And even though I am moving in April and it would be the easiest thing in the world to say, well why don’t we just get a place together, somehow it just doesn’t seem right for either of us.
I shall probably always be reliant on houseshares for a roof over my head but that comes with a whole set of privacy rules of its own which mean it’s not like living with a partner at all.
Will we ever live together? I don’t feel at this stage it is inevitable but if it did eventually happen I wouldn’t be that surprised. It depends on a lot of things, some of which are out of our hands. But we’re not worrying about it because things are just fine and really, that’s all that matters.